thoughts on life

I have been questioning life quite a bit lately not the fact of whether i want to live or not but i've been questioning exactly what is our purpose in live?

i believe my purpose is to help, its to teach people that its okay to be different, im way different compared to my friends, most of them do their hair and put on makeup, i on the other hand dont do this i find it actually i find it very pointless, i look at it like this if a man sees me without my makeup on and my hair done then he'll know exactly that what he sees is what he gets now if he sees me with makeup on the for the first time meeting he'll not know what to expect in terms of how ill look in the morning.

odd thoughts i know but to hell with it im done allowing my thoughts and beliefs to be subsided because everyone around me thinks differently im different and im okay with that.

i found this amazing quote today about life actually and it inspired me to write

"My philosophy is that its better to explore life and make mistakes than to play it safe and not to explore at all"

-sophia loren

this quote makes perfect sense to me right now.

as a senior in high school im going through a series of things where im finding out who i really am more of a find your self type of state of mind.

im really becoming who i want to be.

within a few months my life will change, for the better.

being who you are and finding who you are is one of lifes many great aspects.

trying to go out in the world not knowing who you truely are, not knowing who you are down to the core is one scary frightening thing, how can we survive in the real world without knowing who we are to show the world who we are?

now thats a loaded question.

think back to when you were 5 and your greatest fear was not being able to play outside not being able to run free and swing.

think back to when you were 12 and you were going through that awkward stage of life where your transforming from a kid to a young teenager..whoa drastic scary things.

now think ahead 5 years your 23 years old and your just getting out of college for most and your entering the work force you find a person you love settle down and have kids

bam you lose your job now reality sits in no job no money no way of providing for you children

now thats true fear, and thats truely scary and frightening.

im not looking forward to the scary aspects of life but the not so scary ones like college or worse not being able to become what i want to become.

life is hell.

life is shit.

and life is short.

but man its great....most days.

oddly enough ive learned to love my life and learn to deal with the fact that things cant always be what i want the to be nor can i have all the things that i want to have.

we have to face this scary haunting thought that life is not going to give us what we want.

we have to earn it, steal it, and pursue it.